The Powerful INFJ’s

We see the world in a different way. That doesn’t make us weak, it actually makes us powerful. We’re more capable of creating change. As Steve Jobs said, “Think Different.” We don’t have to even try to think different, we do by nature. I see myself as an innovator. A creative and free spirited person.

Some days I feel like I can conquer the world, and other days I feel discouraged by people’s need to put me in a box and treat me as if I’m just like everyone else. I’m sure to most people I’m just an average person because I don’t show all my colors to the world. I don’t stand out in a crowded room. I’m humble, and I don’t like to talk too highly of myself. I also keep all my deep emotions mostly to myself. And still once in awhile it’s just painful to be so different.

Being an INFJ is one of the few things that is extremely unique about me. INFJ’s are less than 2% of the population. If there’s so few of us, isn’t that a sign that were suppose to be more and do more? Instead of being treated as if there’s something wrong with us, shouldn’t people all around us be encouraging us to follow our dreams and create change?

We can be powerful, if we believe in ourselves, if we turn off all the voices judging us, if we keep reminding ourselves that being different is a gift. We are capable of so much more than the world is going to give us credit for. We can make our own choices though. We build the world in our heads. We have to stop our fears by reminding ourselves that we can be more successful than others due our INFJ qualities. Because we see things differently. We are more determined.

All we have to do is find our passions and dive down deep into them. Let our passions take over us and guide us on our life journey. There’s so few of us, which is why it’s important that we help each other to not get pushed down and trampled on by others and the weight of the world. The world is a better place with more INFJ’s following their dreams, because they, we, in fact can create change in the world.

Feeling Like an Alien in the World

I’ve always felt like an alien in the world ever since I could remember. I’m told that’s normal for INFJ’s. Still, I reach out for some aspects of normal in my life and instead I find myself dwindling further and further away from normal. The more I dive into my complex personality the more I realize how uniquely different I am from everyone else. The more I learn about the culture of the country I live in the more I understand why I’ve felt like an alien and even inferior to others.

The biggest problem I face is my inability to conform to a society where extroversion is valued more than introversion. I can ignore this in every aspect of my life except the career world. It’s a society with so many rules on how a professional should think and react in every given situation. The people with the best oral skills gets the job – the people with the power of persuasion. I’m a better writer then a speaker. But, I hate being told what to do and working for companies closed off to new ideas (which so many of them are). I’m not some radical that won’t listen and conform to company culture, I will, but I’ll hate it. I don’t want to impress people and pretend I’m something I’m not. They say “just be who are in interviews,” yet there’s all kinds of rules about what to say, what not to say, how to act and it’s encouraged to tell white lies. I’m one of the most honest people in this world I can’t stand even telling one little white lie. Everyone tells me that the right job is out there for me, and I honestly don’t agree. Where people tell me to not give up, not understanding that it’s not in my nature to. But, what happens when I get another job? It lasts a year, if I’m lucky, 5 years and then I’m back out there again looking. So, I just keeping working on my skills and building up my skills for being a entrepreneur meanwhile playing the stupid job game.

I know I see the world differently and I want to share my inner perspective with the world in an epic way, but I can’t until I’m successful. People listen to the successful people, people don’t question the successful people.

I learned not only do I have the personality type of an INFJ, but I also have the inventive personality type. I looked at the overlap of jobs for inventive types, INFJ types and HSP’s and found little to no overlap in the type of jobs that would interest me. Any creative adventure on my own just sounds more fun. I embrace my uniqueness, but at the same time find myself jealous of others who have it so easy, who don’t have to work so hard to fit into the world. Having such a complex personality really complicates my career journey and is extra complicated in a difficult economy. I wish sometimes that I wasn’t born to this generation, but I know in time I will find my way. I’m absorbing information like a sponge so that I don’t get left behind in this world. With society no longer having job security gaining new skills and knowledge are the only things I can keep.

I have so many friends living out the normal life with full time jobs, houses and plans for kids (some already pregnant) and I just nod along like I have plans for all that normal stuff too. I only have a couple friends not setting their life up for all the normal stuff. My one and only friend who does think the same way as me lives out of state. Some days I wish I could just feel normal and plan my life out the same way. But, I know normal will always be twice as hard for me being an hsp. So I can’t try to be what society wants me to be, or what I’ve been brought up to believe I should be. There just has to be a another place for me.

The Journey to Change The World

If you were to change one thing about the world or the country you live in what would it be? What one thing would you like to be able to say you made a significant impact on? 

I read this article a couple weeks ago written by John Hughes about being an HSP and he said something that really resonated with me and it’s been on my mind ever since. He said: “We carry a responsibility to do something with all that we create inside our minds and hearts as if it’s not ours, but something we owe back to the world.” – John Hughes I had to ponder over this for awhile because I couldn’t believe how true those words were. I’m not sure how many people feel this way – but I have unknowingly felt this way for a good chunk of my life.

This blog is an example of that. I felt this need to write about what’s in my mind and in my heart for a long time and to share it – years before I even started this blog. However, this blog is only a tiny piece of what’s inside my mind and heart. There’s so many things being created in my mind and my heart that it’s overwhelming. I feel like there’s something huge I’m suppose to be doing and I’m working toward figure it out. The problem is it takes time (I’m not patient) I have a ton of interests and dreams from writing a book, to creating videos, to product designs, to painting, to graphic design, photography, to creating advertisements, blogging, and creating my own service business. And there’s no possible way I can do all of these things at once – maybe I’m meant to do almost all of them or only a few. For some reason I want to do all of them. I’m trying to focus on just one but I want to create so many things!

Since high school I have had this strong ambition to do something that would truly make a difference in other people’s lives. I threw away that idea after college due to a bad economy, need for money, and a low self-esteem. Still, it followed me nonetheless. It followed me along with my childhood dreams to be an inventor and a writer but an artist above all. It followed me the same way my dreams of being an entrepreneur never went away. No matter what job I’ve had these dreams have always been there. No matter how good at my job I am my jobs never seem to last. So I’ve opened up my mind to all possibilities. I’m trying meditation, I’m reading and researching. I’ve been logging all of my thoughts and ideas in journals.

I have this responsibility to create something and write, this need to make an impact in other people’s lives and I can’t ignore it. Many days I’ve cried about it in the past and got a regular 9 to 5 job and tried a part time job only to find out it wouldn’t last. But, it’s not just being an HSP it’s also my INFJ personality type. I’ve read:

“INFJ’s want to save the world without being noticed” (this is entirely true – that’s why you don’t know who I am, and I don’t want any fame associated with my face ever – at times I’ve wished I was invisible)
“INFJ’s believe they can come up with humanitarian issues (helping to improve the welfare and happiness of people).

So, if I’m meant in someway to save the world and share all that I create in my mind and my heart I thought this might be a good place to start. Here is my list of changes I want to see in the world:

1. More acceptance of people who are different: introverts, highly sensitive people and others.
2. More people accepting their highly sensitive and introvert traits and living out their dreams
3. More people living out their dreams by thinking for themselves and living their life not the life someone else planned for them. Not a life where they are constantly beating themselves because society taught them to feel bad about who they are.
4. A stronger economy with more people thinking for themselves (researching) rather then believing everything they hear on the radio or television, or from other people’s mouths.
5. Less lies! Lies about the food we eat, lies in the news, lies from companies ect…
6. More companies not afraid of creativity and innovation
7. Less chemicals in food with healthier restaurants
8. More job security and easier interview processes
9. Doctors who care more
10. Less judgement in the world in general

Today is almost over and I’m actually a bit frustrated about that – because I would like to get started now! I want to change the world today! I’ve been putting it off for far too long. That kind of sounds like I have a big ego or something, but I really don’t. I just fear the path of never finding out what I’m truly capable of. I fear never finding my true calling in life and feeling an emptiness because of it. Some people never do, but I refuse to be one of them.

The World Overwhelms Me

I’ve mentioned that I’m a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), but I haven’t wrote anything about how it has an impact on my day to day life. I’ve known for most of my life that I was highly sensitive just due to my emotional nature, but I didn’t know or even understand the other factors of being highly sensitive. And for many years I thought it was a flaw I needed to overcome.

When I learned in depth what it meant to be an INFJ I assumed a lot of my more complicated personality attributes were due to that. I was also in a state of denial about being an HSP because I thought I was trying too hard to find explanations for being different. I took an online quiz several times to see if I fit the description of highly sensitive and every time I fit the definition, but that wasn’t enough. So, I finally had my husband take the quiz with me and that’s when I came to the conclusion I was highly sensitive. I still didn’t understand though what it meant and how it had an impact on my life. So, I bought the book on it, and went through a wave of emotions making sense of the past and discovering where I fit into society.

When I was young I was told I was shy by a lot of people and told that I was too sensitive on more than one occasion. I was told this in a sense that it was fault and something that needed to be changed. Well, as it turns out I wasn’t shy, I was just highly sensitive, and being highly sensitive isn’t something that needs to be changed. It’s not a flaw or a weakness it can actually be a strength. Being shy is a fear you develop, but being highly sensitive is often a trait your born with. I’m not quite sure I know whether I was born an HSP or not.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with HSP’s here are some of the traits: You absorb other people’s emotions, your highly empathetic, overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises and smells, more easily stressed and overwhelmed, rich & complex inner life, deeply moved by arts and music, annoyed when having to do too many things at once, very sensitive to pain and unpleasantly aroused when too much is happening around you.

This trait had a huge impact on my self esteem growing up and helps to explain why it was so low. In our society this trait is misunderstood and not valued even though it’s 15%-20% of the population. However, in China it is a valued trait and people who are sensitive are usually the popular ones. It makes me sad to know this. Luckily, my best friend is an HSP too, which explains why we grew so close as friends. We kind of always had this unspoken understanding that provided a stronger friendship then what other people had. Over the years we have just grown closer with friends even though she has moved across the country.

Growing up my parents would ignore all signs that I was different, even after I tried to convince my Mom with solid facts years later. She wanted me to be normal, so there for to her I was. She blatantly ignored all signs that I wasn’t. It was a difficult childhood at times because my Mom would yell a lot at my sister, my Dad, and I. I hated it when she yelled, it made me absorb all her anger and get angry myself. Yelling to me is pointless, it doesn’t help anything. I used to yell and scream so much when I lived there, and now I can’t remember the last time I raised my voice even a little. In my book it says that you need a strong bond with a parent or else you find it in someone else. I lost comfort and trust that my parents knew what I needed early on, and I felt lost for a long time, but found some comfort in talking with two of my closest friends.

My husband was that close bond I needed. I met my husband long before I understood my personality and how different I was. I was still very much struggling with my self esteem too, but he was completely intrigued by my uniqueness. Even with all my crazy little quirks and crazy in-laws he chose to marry me. He helps me to feel normal. But, also helps me to avoid getting into situations that may overwhelm me. He knows I’m different and that’s what he loves about me.

Feeling flawed for so many years still has an impact on me, but understanding why I am different and knowing there’s other people out there just like me does make it easier. But, I’m struggling lately with my emotions and I’m overwhelmed by stress. I can accept a lot of traits of being an HSP, but being easily stressed really bothers me.

We weren’t Promised Much Here on Earth…

You ask why did she die so young? Why do I have to suffer so much pain? Why is there so much suffering? Why is life so unfair? Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Who promised you any of those things? Hopefully, no one did. That’s LIFE. If your religious then you know that with the exception of the promise that someday you will die, the only other promise that life has in store for you is that if you live it right you get to go to heaven. That’s where there’s no pain, no suffering and no life cruelties.

So yes life is painful, and it can be absolute mess for some people. It can be utterly cruel and completely unfair. I wanted so badly to be anything but me during my childhood. I felt totally out of place. I had barely any self confidence, I felt alone and some days I wished it could all be over. But, I always reminded myself that if I get through all this I get to go to heaven. I told myself that one day I would find a guy who would accept all the things about me that no one else did. Even before that happened, I met someone who is also highly sensitive, a shy, introvert and if not an INFJ..pretty close. I think she is, she says she’s not sure. I didn’t figure that out till much later, but having her as a friend was just what I needed. Sometimes life does give you something great, if you choose to see it.

Because among all the pain in this world there are good things happening all the time. There’s miracles and good people who are making the world a better place to live. There can even be a person out there who quite possibly can accept everything about you, especially if you can accept it about yourself. I found someone, and I can’t imagine my life now without him. All my quirks from being an INFJ, higly sensitive and just plain me he doesn’t see as problems. He sees me as incredibly unique and he’ll do whatever he can to keep me happy. I had spent a week in cottage with my in-laws and I love them, but I was done with being around other people, I was incredibly home sick, and I was begging him to get out of there right away! I felt like such a pain. I thought he would be mad at me. But, he wasn’t. He surprised me with his compassion for how I felt. I’m understanding more and more that I’m not wrong for feeling the way that I do day in a day out. Even though I feel so incredibly different from everyone else, I have complete acceptance and unbelievable respect from him. No one promised me I would fall in love and meet someone so incredibly amazing. I only promised that to myself.

We are not promised that bad things won’t happen, but were not promised good things will happen either. The best thing is we get to choose to see things in a positive light, and not let all the negativity weigh us down. You can feel like your on top of the world!

People like to blame God for things. But, he really never promised you any of those things here on earth, in life. He has promised good things after life. In that sense the good really does outweigh the bad.

If you can remember that through out your life, you will learn to see more good in life than bad hopefully. I haven’t lived long enough to say that’s true. But, if I believe it…

To Be Forever Young

I believe I’m a child at heart, despite always feeling older and more mature as an INFJ personality type. I’m a child at heart just like Princess Ariel, in reference to my post: “Do You Believe in Destiny?” As I mentioned in my last blog post one of my goals in life is to stay young.

How can we be forever young? To me being forever young is a state of always looking for ways to make everyday things fun, and having the energy and excitement for life you would see in a child’s eyes. It’s to be spirited. I can’t stand being bored just like a child. I just want to make anything and everything fun. It’s difficult sometimes with constant chores and responsibilities, but life is too short to not have fun.

My husband and I always go grocery shopping on weeknights to avoid the crowds of people. Almost every time we go I jump on the back of the grocery cart and propel myself down the aisles. My husband even pushes me and I just love flying down the aisles like a kid; it’s a fun ride that makes grocery shopping less mundane. Usually no one is around, but sometimes people notice and it usually just makes them smile or they just don’t care. Even though I worry about what other people think of me, I have no problem embarrassing myself in front of strangers. I especially love embarrassing my husband because he gets embarrassed so much easier than I do.

My husband and I also have squirt gun fights in summer and run around the house chasing each other and hiding. We also play pranks on each other, like I take a cup of cold water and pour it over him when he is taking a hot shower. He is usually a good sport about it, because he knows he will get his revenge.

People always complain about getting older and many women like to joke about being in their 20’s when they are usually in their 50’s. If you ask me 22 is that turning point where becoming a year older is no longer exciting with the exception of the gifts, cake, drinks or party that comes with it. We all want to stay young. I look at it from the perspective of whether I’m where I want to be at that stage of my life. I always have my eyes on the horizon, I’m constantly thinking about what I want to accomplish before I turn another year older. Last year, I was bummed about turning another year older due to being unemployed and feeling financially stuck. Nonetheless, it was my first birthday in our new house and I had a lot of other things to be thankful for. Turning another year older is great when you can look back without regret or disappointment.

Age is just a number. You can always stay young at heart. Here is a perfect example. I recently started attending a free Zumba class. Have you tried it? It’s pretty fun. My class has people of all ages, but one lady stood out and I could not help but watch her dance. Every week she is smiling more than anyone else, she seems to be having twice as much fun as everyone else and is bouncing and dancing with more energy than almost everyone else in the room. She is around 65 years old and recently completed a half marathon. Obviously she is in excellent shape, but she also looks great for her age. I could not help to notice how fashionable she was dressed wearing a Victoria Secret Pink shirt and sweatpants. I don’t normally think of old people as cute, but she is cute. I had a conversation with her recently and found her to be extremely nice and easy to talk to as well. I can’t help but smile when I see her, due to her contagious energy and charisma. She seems so content with life and herself. She has the energy and excitement of a young person.

She is my ideal version of myself 40 years from now. In 40 years from now I want to be just as happy, just as friendly, in great shape with loads of energy and still be dressing stylish. How about you?

Before starting this blog I had to listen to the song “Forever Young” by Rod Steward. It’s an older song that I actually quite enjoy. It makes me happy whenever I hear it. It makes me want to be young and spirited. Although he is singing about his kids, the song has a great message. You can listen to it here.

What does it mean to you to be forever young?

Do You Believe in Destiny?

I believe that certain things happen in our life that we have no control over, and they are part of destiny’s plans for us. Being somewhere at the right moment in time is the result of an unseen force in the universe.

I became a strong believer in destiny after I met my husband (which you can read about in my last post: “Eternal Love: Dreams Do Come True”). I have believed in destiny for quite some time, but it wasn’t till recently I really understood the power of it.

My husband and I are not just two compatible people that met and fell in love against all odds. We are two people that are meant to be together based on the characteristics of our personalities. I recently learned what it meant to be an INFJ personality type. I’m less than 1% of the population. My husband is an INTJ, which is rare and only 2% of the population. With 3 traits in common are personalities are sure to be a great match. However, both our personality types are known for struggling in romantic relationships. Yet, we get along so flawlessly with one another.

Even with a lot in common I was shocked to find in written text that we are a very strong match as the intuitive connection between INFJ and INTJ is likely to be instantaneous. When my husband before even meeting me saw me for the first time and ran into a table, it was a result of instantaneous destiny taking shape.

We are both introverts that dream of the future and search for meaningful careers. I read from another person’s blog: “INFJs and INTJs are wired to be agents of change.”

I was also fascinated to find out we are a compatible pair after taking this fun little quiz online: Which Disney Royalty Are You Most Like? I’m Ariel and my husband is Eric, the couple from the Little Mermaid. We both swear that we didn’t cheat. We even match our descriptions quite well.

Here are the descriptions from the quiz we took:

Princess Ariel: Friendly, spontaneous and sometimes your curiosity can get you in a little trouble! You have a bit of a rebellious side to you especially when your dreams are involved! You will make a wonderful and fun wife because you will always be a child at heart! Although brave you have a big soft spot for love and are a strong believer in love at first sight! You would go to any lengths for true love and happiness no matter what it may take. Be proud to be one of the most courageous Disney Princesses Disney ever set pencil to 🙂

Prince Eric: You can be a bit stubborn at times but totally lovable. You love the open water and fishing…and pretty much all the rugged manly stuff! You’re very charming and your smile brightens up a room! Aside from your toughness you are a helpless romantic and once you see something you like, you will stop at nothing to get it…once you have it, you will stop at nothing to keep it. Be proud of being one of the most handsome, well rounded Princes that Disney ever set pencil to 🙂

So, do you believe in destiny?

Who Am I?

Who am I? Such a difficult question. It’s a question with an answer that will most likely change throughout my life journey.

I’m an artist, a writer, a friend and a wife. These things I’m certain of. My personality is creative, emotional, sensitive, caring, honest, determined, committed, adventurous and futuristic among other things

I’m in my mid to late 20’s and I live in the United States. You can refer to me as Jen. I won’t disclose my full name because I’m a private person and a lot of people in my life think they really know me, but don’t. Being an INFJ personality type, introvert and highly sensitive person, doesn’t exactly make life easy for me. I can hide a lot of these traits pretty well though since I’ve had years of practice. However, when it comes down to finding a job and impressing strangers for a job interview my skills are lacking. Even worse is finding a job that pays well and allows me to be creative and emotionally connect with my work. I’m continuously searching for meaning in my life and an opportunity to make a significant contribution to this world.

I have been unemployed for over 6 months. But, I just recently landed a part time position. I have a lot of determination, but due to the economy competition for a job has been tough. Since I’ve graduated from college I have gone from one job to the next without the time to figure out what I really want.

I graduated with a degree in Business and a concentration in Marketing and Advertising. People tell me all the time how tough it is to find a job in marketing. However, it’s better than my former career choice to be an industrial designer which I thought was a chance to be an inventor of sorts. Honestly, I would have been a starving artist. It would have been smarter for me to pursue a career in graphic design, if anything in art. I thought about majoring in writing but I thought a position in creative writing would be tough to find. Marketing allows me to be creative and use my skills in writing. Marketing is also an opportunity for me to do a multitude of tasks which I absolutely NEED because I’m easily bored.

It’s challenging for me to find a position because I feel like I need a product or service I can connect with emotionally. I want to create marketing that has an emotional impact on a person (laughter, sadness, anger, joy…). I think my ultimate goal is to work for a nonprofit. But, I’ve also found an interest in freelance writing. Now that I’m at least working part time I have time to consider whether I want to do consulting, freelance writing or obtain another part time position.

I’ve learned more being unemployed than I have in my last two jobs combined. It’s made a huge difference on how I view things. It’s helped me to figure out what I want to do and has helped me to continuously move forward in my life. My next post will be about my experiences and all the things I have learned being unemployed.

Accepting Who You Are

I’ve been struggling with accepting who I am all my life. As a shy sensitive introvert I’ve always felt out of place in this world. I’ve never felt like I fit in. I had little to no self-esteem when I was growing up, made worse by the fact that people didn’t understand me. I’m a very private person and my parents never gave me the space I needed. I often felt trapped. If you read my “Solving Your Life Puzzle” post I touch more on this and my difficult childhood.

I always felt like I had such a complex personality and was often confused by my own emotions. When I would get angry at someone I would struggle on whether to share my feelings or ignore them. I was conflicted on how to handle different aspects of my life. I’ve also had a hard time making decisions. I’m completely driven by my emotions and worry how my decisions will reflect my future emotions.

When I took psychology in high school I learned that I operate equally with both my left brain and my right brain. Learning this helped me to realize why I was so confused by my own personality. I also took the Briggs and Myers personality test and learned that I’m an INFJ. I remember when I walked up to the teacher to hand in my test he said my personality type was very rare. I knew I was different, but I didn’t know what to do with it at the time. When I’m faced with the challenge of being me I often think about that moment. Just yesterday I ran across a blog of someone who is also an INFJ. I had never seen such a long description describing this personality type and I couldn’t believe how much it described me. I just had to write this post after seeing it. If you’re interested you can read more about INFJ’s on her blog: http://truthloveunity.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/my-personality-type-infj/

Reading how I’m an INFJ and my personality type is the rarest kind of makes me feel special. After years of struggling with my self-confidence; these last few months I’ve finally started embracing who I am. I’ve always felt the pressure to change who I am to fit in and find a place in this world. I’m my biggest critic of myself and I’m often really hard on myself. I’m struggling right now because I know I should be doing other things right now, but all I want to do is write. I’ve ignored my drive to write for a long time and when I’m compelled to write it’s often when I’m busy doing something else. Like in high school I wrote poetry when I was suppose to be paying attention in class. But, I’ve learned that writing is a part of me. The problem is once I start I won’t stop or rest until all my words flow out of me. I can’t stand any interruptions because I know I might lose my train of thought.

What I’ve started to realize is there’s nothing more important than accepting who you are and being happy with it. I went to this networking event where a speaker said “You have control of only two things in your life and two things only! Your thoughts and your actions.” I’ve become a happier person through learning more about myself and accepting the bad with the good. The thing is we create the world we live in. The world is the way it is because we perceive it that way and because we take action in deciding how we want to live our lives.

I get so bored lately with my life and I want to change things, but the income isn’t there to do what I want. I’m trying to find a way to make money in this tough economy and I’m the most determined person I know, but yet I still struggle. Lately I find myself daydreaming about living a different life. Which upsets me but also makes me wonder what will really bring my spirit to life? What kind of career would make me excited to get out of bed every morning?

After writing this I’ve just come up with three more ideas on blog posts. I just can’t seem to stop my train of thought. I plan to write one on how to discover/create who you are and accept it as a follow up to this one.

That’s all for now. Hope to hear from you.