Letting the Little Things Go

It can be challenging at times to not let little things anger us in our relationships with other people. I myself struggle with little things people say being highly sensitive. I struggle the most with people’s comments who don’t know me that well. I can take one small comment and completely blow it out of proportion in my mind. I would hate to make a bad impression around people I know I will being seeing a lot of – like people at work. I worry people will see the things I try to hide and see me in a negative light. I care too much what others think of me. One of the down flaws of being highly sensitive is how easy it is to become stressed and overwhelmed. I’ve also found that it can take me longer to learn new things, and I beat myself up inside with every mistake I make. I worry people will see these things and see me in a negative light. This among other things is one of the reasons I wish to be an entrepreneur. I just have to keep reminding myself that people see all my positive traits too! and there has to be more positive than negative.

When it comes to my relationship with my husband I make it a point to not let the small things get to me. Some people will fight and argue over the dumbest things and never apologize because they hate admitting their wrong. My thoughts are: why bother? I firmly believe that instead of getting angry about pet peeves and silly little things you should find a way to bring humor into the situation. Instead of getting angry at my husband for never putting anything away, or cleaning up the messes he makes I either clean it up myself or relentlessly tease him about it until he takes care of it. He always has a big smile on his face to match my smile when I tease him about those little things.

Nearly six months ago I was shopping at Bed Bath and Beyond with my husband to buy a gift for a wedding. It was the first time I’ve shopped there since they started their wrap your own gift idea. You get this station big enough for one person with all the paper, ribbon and tape you could possibly need. As soon as I started to wrap the gift my husband stops me to say I’m doing it wrong, I let him at it long enough to realize he’s doing a terrible job, so I take over, and then he takes over again, and then were at war to get this gift wrapped and the tension is mounting. Finally, I just break out in laughter realizing how ridiculous this must look to anyone around us – like a comical scene in a movie. We then work on tying up the bow together and laugh our way out the door – teasing each other about our wrapping skills. The memory of this is a reminder to me how a stupid argument can either escalate into a huge fight, or turn into a funny silly little story for later.

In our house there’s never any yelling and it’s very rare that there’s ever a real fight about anything. We honestly don’t see the point. We can communicate things just fine without all the anger and frustration. We are equals and treat each other as such.

Let the little things go.  No one is perfect, we all have imperfections and do some little annoying things that bother other people, but their usually not worth getting upset about. I know if I got angry with every little thing my husband did that annoyed me he would do the same toward me and this would just cause tension in our relationship. Sometimes we just need to admit that were wrong with no excuses and move on. In our relationship we both know how to apologize and it makes our relationship stronger because of it.

Being Someone or Something Your Not

I have on a subconscious and sometimes a conscious level tried and pushed too hard to fit in with people very different from me. I have tried and pushed too hard to fit into group cultures that didn’t suit me. I want to make a pact with myself from this day forward to stop the whirlwind of trying to fit in with anyone or anything that doesn’t align with the person I am.

I grew up with a family that is everything that I’m not. I haven’t learned much from them because I rarely listened to them. They were overwhelming. I didn’t know who I was until I left. I have already made a pact with myself after I left that I would never again get caught in a situation with them where the exit door wasn’t in sight. Secondly, I will never spend more time with them then I want to. Thirdly, I will dodge their calls if I feel they are calling too much. Fourthly, I will never again let them give me advice on my life that I didn’t ask for. Lastly, I won’t let them talk about my childhood like they were good parents and they somehow had a positive influence on the person I am today.

I also grew up in a culture of Greeks. My Mom is Greek and if you know anything about the Greeks they are loud and usually outgoing extroverts. It sounds like a stereotype but I went to a church full of them. Then, there was me the girl who seemed shy and fearful of the world. I was so incredibly out of place. I made friends with some people during my high school years and enjoyed the friendships, but they slowly faded away. I always made the effort to socialize at my church and found so many people would talk to me for a few minutes before moving on to the next person – this was incredibly annoying! I have had many awkward situations like this. I have tried to socialize with people and been shut out of a conversation. I come home and just feel a huge energy drain, I never realized why until about a month ago. I’ve been working too hard to be something I’m not for all these years. No matter how badly I wanted to fit in I don’t, and I never will. I felt the desire to because my church is filled with family and many fun people. I love certain things about the church I grew up in but I don’t enjoy going. I don’t belong. I never did. I’m not your typical Greek and I’m never going to be. But, I will always love the food and beautiful holiday services. I have made a pact with myself to church hop until I find a church that I like.

I also want to make a pact with myself to no longer feel bad about the things that I’m not good at by nature. I’m not good at solving problems or answering complex questions on the spot, or doing tedious activities for several hours, speaking in front of large groups of people or having social conversations with strangers. I get overwhelmed easily, I’m highly sensitive, and that’s just who I am. Yes, I can and have gotten better at many of these things, but I’m not going to feel bad that I’m not great at them. I’m not going to let anyone make me feel bad for something I’m not good at when I have strengths in so many other things. I’m not going to put myself in situations where I will be forced to use more of my weaknesses then my strengths. I’m going to embrace the fact that there is a lot of stuff I’m good at and I’m going to indulge in the fact that I am smart and growing smarter everyday.

I’m growing smarter each day the more I read and learn and discover who I am day in and day out. Some people don’t spend much time in their lives discovering and exploring who they are. Some people coast through life without any real thoughts on what kind of life would truly make them happy. I think I’m a stronger person because I have. The more time I spend creating the best version of myself the more I can contribute to this world and the happier I will become.

If people have a problem with who I am, where I am going, and what path I choose to follow that’s their problem not mine! I’m going to strip myself of anything that doesn’t feel right to me. I’m done being someone or something I’m not! I’m working everyday on discovering how someone as incredibly unique as me can do something incredibly unique with their time. I need to find a path that won’t make me question who I am or try to change me into something I’m not. That ship has already sailed and sunk.

Everyday I feel I’m different from everyone else. I’m not ordinary. If there’s so few people like me that must mean I’m meant to do something extraordinary (beyond what is usual, ordinary, regular, or established).

Everything is Changing and Nothing at the Same Time

Change overwhelms me and heightens my emotional state of being. These days there are lots of big changes happening, but not the changes I need to follow my dreams and my goals. People are having babies, my one and only sibling is moving to another state, and I have nothing happening. I’m happy for them. I do not envy them, I am not jealous, I just feel stuck. Only jealous of their excitement to embrace something new. I’m stressed all the time and tired all the time. I’m just looking forward to the day when I feel I’m able to achieve my dreams and goals with less stress and the money to experiment.

Being highly sensitive I find myself observing all my husbands emotions and stresses of finding a new job. I take on my own emotions and aggravations with life, and I take on his emotions. I understand how he feels and he looks to me for support and of course I’m there to help him every step of the way. I’ve been down the job road before and I fear traveling down that road again. Once he is settled in a new position the only stresses I need to take on our my own. This is a struggle I face being highly sensitive. I’m battling headaches, tiredness and lots of emotions. But, I know things will get better.

I can’t wait for the day where I can feel alive again! I want to be able to eat out more, travel, and just go out and try new things. I realize more and more each year that I feel the most alive when I’m out in the world trying new things with my husband. I love spending time with friends, but what I love most is just me and my husband going and doing something completely brand new together. I have created a journal of dreams and goals (a bucket list). I’m anxious to start crossing some things off and start writing positive posts of my passion and excitement for life.

Paving My Own Path

I hear destiny calling my name. I’m starting to feel like the world is sending me signs. I’m not where I’m suppose to be and I’m not doing what I’m suppose to be doing.

It’s been almost a month now and my hours at work haven’t gone back to normal. I’m not being challenged, I’m not learning anything new, or creating anything. My talents and strengths are going to waste. It amazes me that no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to stay at one job for more than a year. But, I’m ready this time! If the unemployment door opens I will be ready for it! – I’ll be in tears – but ready for it! My resume and portfolio are updated and my eyes are wide open. No longer will I find comfort and security in a job – that door is closed. No longer will I believe that because I enjoy it now that means I will continue to enjoy it years from now. Jobs change, people change, and there are no guarantees. I’m going to be extra picky which means my chances of finding something are slim. Which means…

The entrepreneurial train has taken off and I’m ready to ride it. I know what my strengths are and I know what my weaknesses are. Although my journey in life has been difficult thus far I have learned a great many things from working with so many companies in so many different positions. I know what failure feels like and I’m not that afraid of it. I’m more afraid of not trying at all.

I’ve wanted to be an entrepreneur since I graduated college but I was in no way ready for it. But, now with all my experiences and all the reading and soul searching I know I have the tools I need to succeed. Now the big question is: What business? I need to find a business idea I will be passionate about that people will want to buy. Luckily, I love creative brainstorming and already have tons of ideas. With the help of my new book on creating-thinking I can see a bright future ahead of me. I just wish I could get there faster!

Wish me luck on my treacherous journey – hopefully toward wealth and happiness!