Sleep Insomnia

I’m lacking sleep lately and it’s been causing some pretty negative feelings inside of me. I wake up in the middle of the night or earlier then I want and can’t get back to sleep. Last week I had to take several naps in order to get through a whole day. I wake up with stomach pain, get up to use the bathroom, go back to bed, and then my mind starts going. Then, everything having to do with my business becomes overly stressful,  and due to my tired nature and that stress it became even harder to get a good nights rest. It’s been a vicious cycle.

Last night I got 7 hours of sleep which is quite decent for most people, but I stayed in bed for an hour more not necessarily asleep and when I finally got up I was still tired. Within an hour I was crying from being overly tired. I don’t quite understand how to get out of this mess. I start my diet cleanse soon and I’m really looking forward to it, but I’m still scared that there’s something else wrong with me. I miss getting out of bed ready to take on the day! Lately, I have just been praying to God to just help me get through each day. In my mind I’m not real stressed but I feel like my physical condition is causing it. So everyday I have to fight those negative thoughts and one hour I will be in a positive place and in another hour I feel like the world is crumbling beneath me. But, I’m fighting for sleep, I’m fighting for a positive outlook, for relaxation, and my health. I have a lot to be happy about and a lot to be grateful for. I know it! So I know that what’s wrong with me is just a physical condition that I need to fix – just need to keep reminding myself of it, but it’s incredibly hard.

I’m losing time to post and I’m a bit worried I’m missing out on the benefits of writing here. I apologize, I just can’t seem to blog when I feel so overly stressed. Hope to write something again soon.

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Can’t Catch A Break: Advice Please?

So here’s what’s happening in my life currently…

I’ve had stomach pain for a few months now. I’m trying everything under the sun to get rid of this stomach problem to avoid going through with this exam that’s going to eat up a good chunk of our savings. We have already spent a good chunk of money on other tests that needed to be done. And we haven’t been able add to our savings at all over the past 2 1/2 years, we have only been able to take from it. That takes away money that I may need for my business and money that we definitely need to afford the small weekend trip we want to take. We just wanted to take a small trip to a quaint little town a couple of hours away. This is a trip I planned to go on since the end of last summer. It’s a trip we’ve never taken before. I feel like we really need it!

I’m at a loss for what to do. All I can think is how can I make some cash quick! Any ideas? I can do writing for people, I can draw, Photoshop things, create simple graphics. I can do things outside of those specific talents as well.

I have one more week to try and fix this stomach issue before I go through with this procedure. Any ideas? I’m willing to try one more thing. So far I have taken Omeprazole, strong probiotics, acid reducer, and completely gave up coffee, chocolate, milk, all juices, and liquor (all my favorite things). I’ve also given up dairy for a week and gave up gluten for a week, and saw no change in my stomach issues. I tried lemon water and eating lots of veggies. This week I tried juicing a 1/2 cabbage and drinking it twice a day.  And yes it does taste nasty. Still not seeing any significant changes in my stomach pains. I also had a blood test, ultra-sound and a test for H.pylori. All came back negative. The doctor said I had gastritis, but it could be an ulcer. It also could be neither.

Any advice?????????? The test won’t be painful, but paying for it will be.

Handling Health Issues as a Highly Sensitive Person

I’ve been pretty lucky throughout my life when it comes to my health. I rarely get sick. When I do it’s usually a cold that doesn’t last more than a week. I’ve only had some form of the flu three times in my life, and that’s all within the last three years. I have had several injuries in my lifetime, and a good handful were definitely me being reckless.

I don’t handle pain really well. I never have. I know it’s natural to get sick every once in awhile, but to my emotions it’s like the apocalypse has come. My emotions tend to take control over my thoughts and I worry that I won’t get better. If I have to go to the doctor because I’m not sure why I’m in pain, I’m always concerned I’m going to be diagnosed with something life threatening. This scenario has only happened two or three times, but to me that’s too many.

Part of the problem is that I believe something bad is going to happen because I’ve been floating through life with barely any real illnesses. I worry my turn is coming. The second half of the problem is because I haven’t been sick a lot, I don’t know how to handle being seriously sick. To people who have had the flu multiple times it all seems quite normal, but to me it’s like the end of the world as we know it.

I know being highly sensitive there’s a good possibility that I probably feel pain more. I know for a fact I feel the pain more emotionally and mentally than other people, if not also physically. There are days when my mind will wonder into a very dark place, where I just don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I think deep down the thing that bothers me the most is how difficult life is already being highly sensitive. When I’m sick, it’s like, I can’t function even slightly at the same rate of everyone else. I do feel like life in general is more complicated for me because I’m highly sensitive. I don’t want to feel that way, but I do. Being sick and having to sit around and do nothing is the worst. I hate sitting in front of the TV for hours, and I don’t like relying on someone else to take care of me. I just end up angry at myself for getting sick in the first place.

I got the stomach flu for the first time at the end of March. It was one of the worst sicknesses I’ve ever had to endure. It did feel like the end of the world at times, and what’s worse is the pain didn’t completely go away. My husband tried to convince me that it would go away on it’s own, but it didn’t. A month later, I went to the doctor — all worried — and they told me I had gastritis. After two weeks of taking medicine for it, it didn’t get better. I went back again, they ran some tests and I received a different medication. The first time they didn’t tell me what foods or drinks to avoid. Now, all of a sudden I have to give up coffee, orange juice, and liquor. I have, and now I’m getting headaches from the lack of caffeine and my energy levels are low. I’ve never had any real energy without caffeine. My level of anger for getting sick in the first place, dealing with crumby doctors, and being in pain is increasing.

I worry about whether it will go away this time. I feel like being highly sensitive and having to deal with this is much more then I can handle for moving forward with my business. I just want to feel like my normal self again.

I keep thinking the world doesn’t understand. It’s hard enough just for me to be me without being sick.

The Journey to Change The World

If you were to change one thing about the world or the country you live in what would it be? What one thing would you like to be able to say you made a significant impact on? Picture of a path with two trails to choose from.

I read this article a couple weeks ago written by John Hughes about being an HSP and he said something that really resonated with me and it’s been on my mind ever since. He said: “We carry a responsibility to do something with all that we create inside our minds and hearts as if it’s not ours, but something we owe back to the world.” – John Hughes I had to ponder over this for awhile because I couldn’t believe how true those words were. I’m not sure how many people feel this way – but I have unknowingly felt this way for a good chunk of my life.

This blog is an example of that. I felt this need to write about what’s in my mind and in my heart for a long time and to share it – years before I even started this blog. However, this blog is only a tiny piece of what’s inside my mind and heart. There’s so many things being created in my mind and my heart that it’s overwhelming. I feel like there’s something huge I’m suppose to be doing and I’m working toward figure it out. The problem is it takes time (I’m not patient) I have a ton of interests and dreams from writing a book, to creating videos, to product designs, to painting, to graphic design, photography, to creating advertisements, blogging, and creating my own service business. And there’s no possible way I can do all of these things at once – maybe I’m meant to do almost all of them or only a few. For some reason I want to do all of them. I’m trying to focus on just one but I want to create so many things!

Since high school I have had this strong ambition to do something that would truly make a difference in other people’s lives. I threw away that idea after college due to a bad economy, need for money, and a low self-esteem. Still, it followed me nonetheless. It followed me along with my childhood dreams to be an inventor and a writer but an artist above all. It followed me the same way my dreams of being an entrepreneur never went away. No matter what job I’ve had these dreams have always been there. No matter how good at my job I am my jobs never seem to last. So I’ve opened up my mind to all possibilities. I’m trying meditation, I’m reading and researching. I’ve been logging all of my thoughts and ideas in journals.

I have this responsibility to create something and write, this need to make an impact in other people’s lives and I can’t ignore it. Many days I’ve cried about it in the past and got a regular 9 to 5 job and tried a part time job only to find out it wouldn’t last. But, it’s not just being an HSP it’s also my INFJ personality type. I’ve read:

“INFJ’s want to save the world without being noticed” (this is entirely true – that’s why you don’t know who I am, and I don’t want any fame associated with my face ever – at times I’ve wished I was invisible)
“INFJ’s believe they can come up with humanitarian issues (helping to improve the welfare and happiness of people).

So, if I’m meant in someway to save the world and share all that I create in my mind and my heart I thought this might be a good place to start. Here is my list of changes I want to see in the world:

1. More acceptance of people who are different: introverts, highly sensitive people and others.
2. More people accepting their highly sensitive and introvert traits and living out their dreams
3. More people living out their dreams by thinking for themselves and living their life not the life someone else planned for them. Not a life where they are constantly beating themselves because society taught them to feel bad about who they are.
4. A stronger economy with more people thinking for themselves (researching) rather then believing everything they hear on the radio or television, or from other people’s mouths.
5. Less lies! Lies about the food we eat, lies in the news, lies from companies ect…
6. More companies not afraid of creativity and innovation
7. Less chemicals in food with healthier restaurants
8. More job security and easier interview processes
9. Doctors who care more
10. Less judgement in the world in general

Today is almost over and I’m actually a bit frustrated about that – because I would like to get started now! I want to change the world today! I’ve been putting it off for far too long. That kind of sounds like I have a big ego or something, but I really don’t. I just fear the path of never finding out what I’m truly capable of. I fear never finding my true calling in life and feeling an emptiness because of it. Some people never do, but I refuse to be one of them.

Have You Lost Weight? No, stop asking!

Do people ask you “Have you lost weight?” to complement you on your body? I have been asked this many times before. This is what’s wrong with our society. We often see this question as a compliment when people ask it, and it’s usually meant to be, but it’s not! It’s part of the problem with the way our society views things.

First, we shouldn’t care what other people think of our body, our weight ect. Your the one who has to live with you each and everyday and you need to be comfortable in your own skin. Second, losing weight does not = a positive compliment. It’s like telling someone that they look fat. “Looks like you lost weight”, “looks like you gained weight” both are just as negative! I always think “Was there something wrong with my body before I lost weight? That now that I lost weight I’m more pleasant to look at?” ,”Did they think I was fat before?”, “Are they trying to say I should be trying to lose weight?” Asking me if I lost weight also implies that I care what other people think of the way that I look and I don’t! I did at one time or another (due to society’s horrible influence), but I don’t anymore! I’m happy with my body despite what others may think of my appearance.

This question is not a compliment even when you are in the process of losing a few extra pounds because you need to be doing it for yourself. If people don’t say anything when you have lost 20 lbs that’s awesome that means they don’t judge the way people look, and are more sophisticated then other people. They don’t care what weight your at, and if you don’t flaunt it they realize your losing weight for yourself and not to please anyone else.

Thirdly, this question shows that other people do care about how we look, and it encourages us to care what other people think. What if someone lost weight because they were really sick? Maybe the person is headed toward becoming anorexic, and your question about losing weight just encouraged them that they are on the right path, because you said it in such a positive way. By asking this question you are reminding them that people care about how other people look and that’s important. Your telling them that you thought they were fat or overweight before and they should keep losing weight.

One of the two scenarios where it may be appropriate to comment on someone else’s weight is when they straight out ask you “Do you think I’ve lost weight?” and then you have to be careful to use the right words for the situation. They maybe trying to get an outside opinion because they are worried about what others think. The other scenario where it maybe appropriate to comment is if the person is unhealthy and you are truly concerned about their health and well being.

It angers me when people ask me this question. I really want to blow up at them and tell them how insulting it is for them to ask me that question. Most recently, I get that question and I haven’t lost any weight which means I probably look thinner because of the clothes I’m wearing or the high heels I’m sporting (which means I should dress like that more often? No!) So I usually say no I haven’t and then it just gets a little awkward after that. Some people will say this is a way of saying “you look nice” or “pretty” but if that’s what they are trying to say then that’s what they should say!

The truth is we should be working on our physical appearance for ourselves, not anyone else. I put on makeup and jewelry and look pretty because it makes me feel more confident in myself. I don’t have a perfect body – I realize this, but I’m happy and confident about the way I look and I feel no need to comment on other people’s bodies.

We should be teaching the next few generations to be happy with themselves and find the ideal weight and ideal look for themselves and only them. No one else’s opinions matter. Dress for success, but don’t lose sight of who you are.

It’s not about taking your makeup off, it’s about realizing why you put it on in the first place. It’s not about wearing the latest styles – it’s about dressing in a way that makes you feel great about yourself.