Feeling Like an Alien in the World

I’ve always felt like an alien in the world ever since I could remember. I’m told that’s normal for INFJ’s. Still, I reach out for some aspects of normal in my life and instead I find myself dwindling further and further away from normal. The more I dive into my complex personality the more I realize how uniquely different I am from everyone else. The more I learn about the culture of the country I live in the more I understand why I’ve felt like an alien and even inferior to others.

The biggest problem I face is my inability to conform to a society where extroversion is valued more than introversion. I can ignore this in every aspect of my life except the career world. It’s a society with so many rules on how a professional should think and react in every given situation. The people with the best oral skills gets the job – the people with the power of persuasion. I’m a better writer then a speaker. But, I hate being told what to do and working for companies closed off to new ideas (which so many of them are). I’m not some radical that won’t listen and conform to company culture, I will, but I’ll hate it. I don’t want to impress people and pretend I’m something I’m not. They say “just be who are in interviews,” yet there’s all kinds of rules about what to say, what not to say, how to act and it’s encouraged to tell white lies. I’m one of the most honest people in this world I can’t stand even telling one little white lie. Everyone tells me that the right job is out there for me, and I honestly don’t agree. Where people tell me to not give up, not understanding that it’s not in my nature to. But, what happens when I get another job? It lasts a year, if I’m lucky, 5 years and then I’m back out there again looking. So, I just keeping working on my skills and building up my skills for being a entrepreneur meanwhile playing the stupid job game.

I know I see the world differently and I want to share my inner perspective with the world in an epic way, but I can’t until I’m successful. People listen to the successful people, people don’t question the successful people.

I learned not only do I have the personality type of an INFJ, but I also have the inventive personality type. I looked at the overlap of jobs for inventive types, INFJ types and HSP’s and found little to no overlap in the type of jobs that would interest me. Any creative adventure on my own just sounds more fun. I embrace my uniqueness, but at the same time find myself jealous of others who have it so easy, who don’t have to work so hard to fit into the world. Having such a complex personality really complicates my career journey and is extra complicated in a difficult economy. I wish sometimes that I wasn’t born to this generation, but I know in time I will find my way. I’m absorbing information like a sponge so that I don’t get left behind in this world. With society no longer having job security gaining new skills and knowledge are the only things I can keep.

I have so many friends living out the normal life with full time jobs, houses and plans for kids (some already pregnant) and I just nod along like I have plans for all that normal stuff too. I only have a couple friends not setting their life up for all the normal stuff. My one and only friend who does think the same way as me lives out of state. Some days I wish I could just feel normal and plan my life out the same way. But, I know normal will always be twice as hard for me being an hsp. So I can’t try to be what society wants me to be, or what I’ve been brought up to believe I should be. There just has to be a another place for me.