I’ve never actually wrote a blog post about being an introvert although I’ve mentioned it in past blog posts that I am. This last week it has been on my mind a lot. With summer parties and constant plans with friends and family I’ve found my energy being drained both mentally and physically more often then usual. I’ve mentioned my husband is an introvert as well, so it definitely helps to have someone who feels the same way.
I went to a party on Sunday and even before I got there I was drained. I found it harder to stay interested in most of what people were talking about, and even harder to contribute anything, and even harder to act like I was happy to be there. Don’t get me wrong, if I hadn’t had all my energy drained from me the last few days I probably would of enjoyed the time that I was there. But, this was not the case. I looked around and realized how many extroverts surrounded me and suddenly felt out of place. If I didn’t act normal I knew someone would assume something was wrong. I’m usually really good at giving myself enough time away from people, but this time was unavoidable. This time I felt drained physically and mentally for the rest of the day.
As I mentioned in a previous post my Mom is the biggest extrovert I know (she was there too). She never realized I was different from her and acted like there was something wrong with me when I lived with her. But, I always knew there was something wrong with her. I felt trapped and suffocated. She was always draining all my energy, never giving me enough time alone no matter what I said or how loud I screamed. I didn’t explain the whole introvert/extrovert thing at the time I lived with her, but it doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t need psychology for someone to respect that you need time alone or more privacy and independence. Well, I just recently ran across an article that explains how some extroverts may never really understand introverts, and I knew right away that was my Mom. I always figured someday maybe I would try and explain to her how horrible she was to live with. But, now I’m in such a positive place and I have the freedom to only be around the people I want to for as long as I want to. So, it’s pointless. It would be like trying to explain to a blind man what the color red looks like. Not to mention she is just one of those people who selfishly believes they are right about everything, and there’s only one right way to do things. AKA controlling and manipulative.
I’m proud of myself for being nothing like my parents! I’m proud of myself for falling in love with all the things that they didn’t accept about me. I’m proud of myself for becoming smarter and wiser than them about the world and how to treat people. I’m becoming more understanding of other people and less judgmental. I’m happy to be an introvert and be introspective about life. I’m happy to be me.