An Ordinary Life is Just Not for Me

I’m not ordinary, by any means. So ordinary is just not for me. As I mentioned in my past blog posts a lot of my life I just felt out of sync with the world. I felt like I didn’t fit it in. Because of who I am, I see the world in a different light.

So, what is ordinary? Ordinary to me is having a regular full time job 8 to 5, being married with kids and a house and a few pets and following constant routines. It’s mostly living a life that most people would consider normal. It’s not that I don’t want anything ordinary, but I can’t stand the thought of having a completely ordinary life. I am married and I do have a house and two cats and sometimes I get worried that my life is too ordinary. I don’t have the 8 to 5 job though and I love that I don’t, but I still need to be making more money. Right now I work part time and I like the stability of that. So, I want to do consulting or freelance writing. I’m still figuring that part out. But, I love having the opportunity to learn new things and find creative ways to make money.Image

The big question is: do I want to have kids someday? I don’t know if I could handle the constant routines associated with kids. I don’t know if I have the emotional capacity to deal with all the stress and constant needs of another person. I can’t fathom the though of having to put someone else’s needs completely before my own. I think kids would be fun, but right now I can’t even imagine having them. It doesn’t help that with the way the economy is I’ve barely been able to afford my own wants, and even needs on some mental level. I can’t even seem to pay off my college loans. I don’t plan on having kids until I’m financially stable, but even then I fear the life of an ordinary person.

I dream of a life of adventure and seek the life of an explorer. If I had the funds and then time I would try new things constantly. I would eat at new restaurants and take classes in art, cooking, wellness and leisure activities. I would travel all over the place and create things for a living. Maybe someday I will have the funds to have that life, but with kids the possibility isn’t very likely.

I finally have a job that isn’t tedious and the time to improve myself and find something I’m passionate about. But, will that be enough to keep me from falling into the trap of feeling ordinary? Will I fall victim to all the people around me who expect that I will have kids someday? Or end up like my uncle who never had kids and always wanted them, and later felt empty because of it?

I can’t stand a life of routines coming home from work, making dinner, doing chores and then sitting on the couch the rest of the night watching TV. I live in a state where it’s cold half of the year. Often it’s so cold that you don’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere. I often just feel trapped then. I can’t stand the cold and I hate the snow. I’m an outdoor person and many outdoor activities are free. I wish I could move, but I can’t imagine starting over and having to make all new friends and be away from family (meaning the family I can stand being around). Moving is just hard in general. But, I’m an outdoor girl and can’t stand being stuck in my house for even a day. As you might have noticed my pictures are centered around nature.

Sometimes I think I should have done my life differently. But, when I see all the problems in the world and all the dysfunctional relationships I honestly feel very lucky. I don’t believe anyone could love me as much as my husband and I really love him, my house and my cats.

I will keep on fighting for a life that is anything but ordinary! I want a life that’s worth reading about with exciting stories from all my adventures. I want to be the happiest person in the world and be the most passionate person in the world. I want my excitement and passion to be contagious and I want to give to others less fortunate.

I want to be able to give to charity both my time and money. I want to influence the world in a positive way. I want to light up the world with my drive to be anything but ordinary.

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